I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
