I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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