Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
