I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
