what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
