My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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