the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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