also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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