if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
