My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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