Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
