I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
