My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
