No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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