jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
