She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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