just come out here and I will go home with you...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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