smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
