That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
