the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize