i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
