first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
