her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
