I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
