Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
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