yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
