I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
