I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
