My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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