Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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