Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
