hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
