Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
