Do vagina's smell?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
