Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
