Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
