If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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