I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
