Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
