you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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