You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i think i just lost a toe
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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