In the future we'll all be gay
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
