it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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