I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
