you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
