someone threw a dead crab at me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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