i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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