You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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