i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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