hotel room ftw
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
is this the sara with the beer cane?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize