She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
