We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
