In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
