so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize