I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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