Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the day after is always just damage control
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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