new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
