Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
