Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
