Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
