This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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