Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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