Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
