So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
