She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
