Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
