i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
