just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
