You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
