What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
