how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
