did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
