Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
