I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
