Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
