And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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