god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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