Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
