She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize