just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
