i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the condom got lost in my hair
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize