woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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