my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
