Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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