can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
