FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
