her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
