why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
