Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
